||[Mar. 10th, 2004|08:22 pm]
|||||// Cant take Another Heartbreak - Jaged Edge //||]|
Fell in love with a boy
I fell in love once and almost completely
He's in love with the world
And sometimes these feelings can be so misleading
Hey !!! well .. today was ok i guess .. i had court today for my truancy !! it went well .. i have to do saturday school at reamann hall for a weekend .. but no big deal ... im starting to have second thoughts on dougs intentions on being with me :/ ... sumtimes i KNOW he loves me .. and others its like .. all he ever wants from me is sex .. i mean .. come on now .. everyone loves sex ... and i like it to ... most of the time .. but i feel like .. thats all iam to him .. it breaks my heart . beacuse thats all i ever was to steven .. and i cant stand to be hurt again .. i mean i TRUST DOUG .. with everything i have .. and i know he would never hurt me on purpose .. but im beginning to think that maybe he just dosent relise when hes doing it .. i dont say anything to him about it .. beacuse i hate fighting with him .. but maybe having a boyfreind is too overrated ya know .. :/ ... i have no clue of what to do ... im soo confused .. scared ... i kinda feel used .. :/ i think the only reason i have a hard time beliveing that he loves me .. is beacuse i dont even love myself .. :/ ... why would anyone else?? ... i mean i love doug with all of my heart ... and i cant stand to be without him .. beacuse hes the only person that has ever belived in me ... hes my best freind :( i would do anything for him .. and im sure hed do the same ... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ????? ......
On to other news ...
I got home tonight and there was a letter on my front porch that said my name on it .. so i went up to my room and read it .. and it was from Steven .... this is what it said ....
Lindsey Kay ,
I bet your wondering why im writing you this letter ... and to tell you the truth .. im not even sure .. but since you never want to to talk to me . I feel like this is the only way i can make you relise how much i acctually care bout' you. I know in the past i have made alot of mistakes and i hurt ya more than anyone ever has. And i slap myself everynight beacuse i lost the ONE thing that ever really mattered to me . Lindsey , you are the only person who ever thought i could be someone , or do anything with my life. Not even my mom thinks im smart enough to go to school . You used to skip cheer practice just to come and help me with my homework . You were my angel Lindsey , and i need you back in my life. You mean more to me than anything or anyone EVER will .. i promise you dat' .. ( thats serioulsy how he wrote it .. lol ) You are my soul mate . I swear to you Lindsey on everything ive ever loved that if you give me another chance that i will NEVER EVER as long as i live take you for granted like i did before . You're someone special Lindsey . God put you on this earth to help people. And your fucking great at it. You've always had a way of making me feel like i was special .. But i dont feel dat' way enless im with you. IM NOONE enless im with you .. all iam is a high school dropout who smokes alot of weed .. You cant imagine how hard my life is without you . i never told you this .. But the day you came to my house and saw what you saw .. all i wanted to do was just die . i cried all night long beacuse i knew i fucked up with you more than i ever had before . You deserve soooooooooo much better than me . and i know i dont deserve you. But you loved me once .. and i know i shouldnt ask you to again .. But i need to know that you still care. And that you'll be there for me to talk to if i need you . You have a way of talking me out of so much shit Lindsey . I'm safe when im with you. And i need that type of security .
I know you have a boyfreind . and i know your happy with him n' everythang . But PLEASE Lindsey ... i will get down on my knees and beg for you back in my life if thats what it takes . You mean more to me than my own family . I know i didnt show it when we were together . And i know you've said that you'll always love me , but not in dat' way .. But Lindsey I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU THAT WAY . I know im going to marry you one day ... i can feel it everytime i see you ... i know you're the one . My heart still skips a beat everytime you smile at me. I still remember the first time we ever kissed? do you? you know you felt that spark .. ive never had that feeling with anyone else .. every other girl is just a " girl " .. i will never find that feeling with anyone else .. as long as i live .. you're the one for me .. i know it .. please give me another chance .... I LOVE YOU LINDSEY KAY OLSON !!
im gonna come up to your school
tomorrow during 3rd lunch to talk Love Always ,
to you okay? please call me when Steven Joeseph
you get this ..
i might be at work ..
but just call my cell phone ..